A Non-Comprehensive List of Things That Have Happened Since 2016

Sooo before last week, it had been a long-@ss time since Emily or I had blogged. I explained why in that post, SO GO READ IT. (Please.)

I’ll wait.

So anyhoo, here’s what you need to catch up on,

• I went from part time to full time at my job, because I am an insane person and ignored the advice I gave Emily for years.
• Joshua (mine) and Kate (Emily’s) both turned into TEENAGERS and they are both TALLER THAN I AM and it’s NOT OKAY. They’re both now 14. Also not ok.
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• Kate looks like a freaking model, SUPER NOT OKAY. Gah. At least have the decency to look like an awkward teenager.
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• Kate also loves makeup, hair, and mirrors, so she’s basically more like my kid than Emily’s and this THRILLS ME TO NO END (payback for all those eye rolls at me, cousin!!)
• Joshua, at 14, no longer adores me like he did at 4. Very not okay.
• Sammy (Emily’s) just turned 10. The only one remaining in single digits is Jonah (mine).
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• My left eyeball decided it wouldn’t tolerate contact lenses anymore so I got glasses. Which made Sophie (mine), who is now eleven, and I look alike, which is a development I AM on board with!
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• My nephew Drew won the world championships in Pyraminx again in PARIS freaking France, and broke the world record at the same time. It was pretty epic.
• In other nephew news, my brother Andy & his wife did me a solid adopted a 2-year-old named Jayce, and I am in loooooove with him! #fanaunt
• Jonah, despite my fervent prayers, continues to have some developmental issues, so we’ve had him at the Brain Balance Center since December 3 hours a week. He is doing SO AWESOME. He’ll be done in June. It’s the best money we’ve ever spent. I mean besides Christian school and speech therapy.
• Also, Jonah is the MOST FUN KID EVER and I want to FREEZE TIME right now because he’s so fun!
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• I started selling MONAT hair care, because it’s amazeballs and you should totes buy some from me. I started using it because my freaking hairline was receding and that is MAJORLY NOT OK! Fortunately Monat fixed that and now it’s growing back in nicely! TO check it out you can join my FB group where I do lots of ridiculous hair and makeup product testing (anyone can join) or check out my MONAT website here. Or, comment and and ask me about it. I won’t get all salesy and weird on you.
• I turned 40 and my friend and family brought me like 500 cans of Mountain Dew, which is totally cool, and Emily did NOT turn 40 which is SUPER LAME. She continues to fulfill her role as “whippersnapper” in my life.
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• Emily went to Europe without me, which is STUPID. In her defense she DID ask me to go with her, but she DIDN’T offer to pay for it, soooo…
• Emily got promoted at her job to Vice President of Everything Awesome and she pretty much runs the place. Also, people are VERY afraid of her. And her office smells of mahogany and leather-bound books.
• Also, Emily’s husband and I dressed the same accidentally on Halloween this year.  It’s not weird!
• (Please note: Emily looks like she actually LIKES ME in this photo because she had wine for trick-or-treat. True story.)
• Some other not-super-fun stuff happened to but we’ll save that for a serious post or two.
• Both of our husbands keep continually agreeing to staying married to us, which is kind of great (but really who would want to leave THIS?)
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And now you’re all caught up! Stick with us, we’re bringing sexy funny back, I swear!