I have come to the conclusion that boys are just born gross. All this time I thought it was a learned behavior, but if my son is representative of his gender, I now know they are that way from birth.
Sammy spits up. All. The. Time. Jenny can confirm this, as he ralphed all over her the other day. And it’s not just a little bit… the sheer volume amazes me. If his cheeks weren’t so chubby, I would swear that none of the milk he ingests was being digested. I suppose this could be the reason that he nursed from approximately noon to 10 p.m. yesterday. Ugh.
I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I won’t bother – the kid is a farting machine. Jenny can also attest to this, as she witnessed his would-make-a-14-year-old-boy-jealous farting prowess just today. Some people have to stretch before they can completely wake up, some must drink coffee. Not Sammy. Sammy must fart 9000 times before his eyes will completely open.
And then there’s the peeing. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but jeez! It’s just amazing to me. The other day, we were visiting my grandma and I decided to give Sam a bath in the kitchen sink. Yeah, nothing like pee in the cookie jar. Lovely. Come to think of it, I’m going to need to get a new toothbrush from Jenny’s stockpile, seeing as how the rest of Sam’s baths have taken place in my bathroom sink. Awesome.
As I wrote this, I paused for a moment, concerned that Sam or his friends might someday read this and he would be embarrassed. Then I remembered the moral of the story – boys are gross – and realized that his aptitude for all things relating to bodily functions will probably make him quite proud of himself.
Boys. Ugh.
Yup, and we MARRIED them. Believe me, it doesn’t get better. Once they can do all of those things on command, it’s a whole ‘nuther world!
I’m glad that my girls don’t shoot pee like that.
I’ll never forget the time my infant son peed in his own mouth!!
Although I do agree with you that boys are gross – it’s been my girls that have made me deal with the explosive poops. Poops that go up their back and get stuck in their neck rolls. Poops that make me want to hide just so that I don’t have to change THAT diaper. Sure, my son peed on me PLENTY of times, but I would take changing peed clothes over explosive poops any day of the week.
Oh! I am so relieved! You described my son exactly!! I’m glad he’s not the only one. He’s only five months old but has already earned the nickname “stinky”. In fact, last week, he cleared out our living room during our homegroup meeting. I can’t count the number of times someone has handed him back to me saying he has a really poopy diaper…but it was nothing more than air! Just now, he’s doing his wake-up stretch: legs up, toxic fumes release… You said it “ugh!”
BTW I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!